Not a whole lot has changed since my last post. My lithium has been reduced to a tentatively final dosage of 300mg a day, going steady for a few weeks now. I think that was around my last post, when I expected my psychiatrist would take me off completely, but he doesn’t think that’s necessary at the moment.
I had another appointment with my nephrologist, who confirmed a chronic kidney disease diagnosis: stage 2 currently. She didn’t think I need to do anything about it, other than avoiding things like ibuprofen and our reducing the lithium, and we’ll just continue monitoring it every six months with my primary physician. I believe she said my GFR (glomerular filtration rate) is 66 as of my last blood labs. The technical threshold of CKD is below 60. My GFR has consistently been below that up to this point, and she described CKD as a diagnosis that just kind of sticks around once you have it.
The reason they sent me to a nephrologist in the first place was, at one point, my creatinine was 1.49. The average range for a woman is 0.6 to 1.1mg/dL. Since we initially clocked it back in 2016 or 2017, it’s always been above 1.2. These last labs a couple of weeks ago had it at 1.17. My kidney ultrasounds indicated no real physical damage to my kidneys. We can only assume that the issues with them are related to the amount of ibuprofen I would take back in high school before my posterior fossa decompression surgery (which was actually exactly 10 years ago on May 21st, drinks all around).
With the decreased lithium, I initially thought I noticed a decrease in my tremor and urinary symptoms. That does not seem to be the case, as I still sometimes shake so much that I have to try holding my lower jaw steady to drink something, among other things. I have an appointment with my primary physician in a couple weeks, where we will discuss this and the results from my sleep study, which was uncomfortable and resulted in no signs of sleep apnea. Not sure why I’m so tired all the time then. I have to call my urologist to schedule an appointment to hopefully figure out what’s causing the urinary symptoms, which are extraordinarily difficult to deal with.
Aside from that… After the fallout with my ex-guy a little over a month ago, I am now finding myself latching onto other people. This is not exactly ideal, and yet I can’t seem to stop. I’m trying to retain some independence in my daily life, which is going better than expected, but I can feel the urge still. This, I believe, is classic to borderline personality disorder–I will discuss it further with my psychiatrist in a couple weeks to confirm.
I have plans to go camping north of Seattle, WA in a couple weeks. I’m nervous because the last time I went to Seattle, about three years ago or so, I had an episode at a Motel 6 in Everett. I remember exactly which one it is and I will be driving right past it on my way to the campground.
I went to Seattle with some friends for a concert. We checked in at this Motel 6, and while we were there, I got a call from this electromagnetic therapy place my mom and I had met with.
During this time, my mood symptoms were terribly horrendous. I was improperly medicated, as I had not met my current psychiatrist yet, and I was going through an emotional time as well because my ex-boyfriend had cheated on me. When the electromagnetic therapy place called me, they told me that they couldn’t treat me because I was schizophrenic and the treatment might trigger a psychotic episode. This tipped me over the edge. I had such a bad episode that my friend who lived there had to pick me up to take me back to her place where I felt safe, and my mom had to make the 8-hour drive overnight to pick me up to take me home. On the way home, I slept in the car for a straight 5 hours. I never sleep in cars, especially not for so long. I haven’t been to Seattle since.
I have to remind myself that I’m properly medicated now and everything will be okay. Even so, thinking about driving past that Motel 6 makes me very anxious. This is a result of PTSD. I’m not sure if I’ve talked about my PTSD diagnosis here very much, as I’m still learning about it versus things like my panic disorder. I was only diagnosed with PTSD last year I believe, early 2022 or possibly late 2021. My psychiatrist debated on it a bit because I haven’t experienced the three things the DSM-5’s criteria includes in the first criterion: exposure to actual or threatened death; serious injury; or sexual violence. When he first directed me to get screened by a therapist, she refused to screen me at all because my answer to that first criterion was “no.” He thought that was ridiculous and screened me himself, then decided I met the criteria enough to be diagnosed. Since then, he’s been educating me on symptoms I report, thinking them to be part of my panic disorder, when in fact they are part of my PTSD.
Hopefully I will be okay.
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