Rory: So before you were getting treated for borderline, how did it affect your relationships with people? Not just romantic, but just in general?
Laurel: It’s interesting because I didn’t realize, until I started getting therapy and DBT, how it affected more than just my romantic relationship, because that was the main thing that I had been focused on that whole time. So I was like, “Okay, something’s wrong in my relationship,” and once I realized it was BPD, I was like, “Oh, that explains it.”
And my family… I told my family about my diagnosis, and they were like, “Oh, yeah, that explains how you act with us.” And I’m like, “Wait, what are you talking about? I don’t act different,” but then I realized, okay, it definitely affected my relationship with my sister. Because we would go through periods where we would just fight, and it would always end really badly, and we wouldn’t talk for, like, months.
And I had a hard time seeing other people’s point of view and respecting if they had, like, different beliefs than me or, like, different opinions. I would say that ties into really black-and-white thinking.
I also had, like, attachment issues where if somebody made me upset, I would just completely shut my emotions down and cut them off. And I did that quite a few times in past friendships, where I would just be like, “If somebody upsets me, I’m just gonna completely cut them off and never talk to them again.”
But then, at the same time, on the flip side of that, I could go years without talking to someone who was, like, my best friend at one point. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, I would think, “Oh, I want to get in touch with this person.” And then I would message them on whatever platform, and I would be talking to them as if we were still best friends. Which, apparently, is weird to other people. I never knew that was weird. (laughs)
I’m still trying to figure out in what ways it’s affected other relationships in my life. But I would say, since I’ve been getting treatment, my relationship with my sister has drastically improved as well, and it’s much healthier than it was before. We can talk about our disagreements instead of fighting, getting angry with each other. She’s also been getting mental health treatment, so that helps too. Both of us have grown a lot as people.
Rory: Yeah, I mean, you’ve been on the road for the right diagnosis for a long time and the right treatment.
Laurel: Yes. Yeah.
Rory: Yeah, it sounds like you are on a good road to a better place now.
Laurel: I feel that.
Rory: Do you still have down days or episodes?
Laurel: Oh, yeah. Yeah, there are days where I’m, like, really self-concious. Like thinking bad about myself. Hanging out with friends feels weird because I’ll be like… I don’t think they like me, or I don’t even know if they want to be around me, or if they’re just hanging out with me to, like, make fun of me later.
And those days are really hard because I know that the best thing to do is still to socialize, even when you feel terrible about yourself. But looking back on it, I always end up feeling better when I reach out on those kinds of days. It’s also still very, very difficult to think about being in a romantic relationship with anyone, and I don’t think I’m gonna try to pursue anything until I feel like I’m in a better place. Even though I’m doing well, like, I think a romantic relationship would, like, probably completely derail my progress.
Rory: Yeah, for sure. Thank you for joining me today. Is it okay for me to share your socials attached to this?
Laurel: Yes, it is. My YouTube is elle palmer. That’s the social I would like to share. No capitals.
Rory: No capitals, gotcha.
Laurel: (laughs) Thank you very much for having me. It’s been a pleasure.
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