Once again, it’s been a while since my last personal update, or any post in general. Since my last one, the fatigue I’ve started noticing is still ongoing, as well as some other symptoms that I’ve noted before but never really brought up to my current primary. My psychiatrist wanted me to discuss these things with my primary before we try messing with my psychiatric medication cocktail, since it’s taken years just to find one that works this well, and he doesn’t want to change it unless we end up having to.
My primary referred me to a sleep specialist, who is booked out until the end of January, so I have to wait another six months or so just to start seeing them. They’ll probably have me do another sleep study, if I had to guess, since my last one was at least a couple years ago and my difficulties sleeping have gotten worse than they were back then. I started taking doxepin, an antidepressant medication also used for insomnia, at my psychiatrist’s orders, which seemed to help me stay asleep once I fell asleep even if it didn’t help me fall asleep outright. After some experimentation with other medications, such as lorazepam (Ativan, a benzodiazepine), chlorpromazine (Thorazine, a tranquilizer), and quetiapine (Seroquel, an antipsychotic), all of which did nothing to help me fall asleep and made my daytime fatigue worse, we settled on me taking doxepin around 3-4 hours before bedtime, and at that point it’s closer to 2 hours before I can fall asleep, which is what I was used to before my insomnia got a lot worse. It’s not the best solution – ideally, something would make me fall asleep within an hour and keep me asleep all night, and now it’s taking 2-3 hours and I still wake up a few times throughout the night. But I don’t have to get up to use the bathroom usually, like I used to, so that’s helpful. And seeing as when I don’t take doxepin that long before bed, it can take up to 6 hours for me just to fall asleep in the first place, even when I’m too exhausted to keep my eyes open… Well, if it works, it works. My primary encouraged me not to take naps, but I haven’t noticed naps making it harder or easier to sleep, and sometimes in the middle of the day I’m so tired that I just need to rest.
Due to some of my other symptoms, namely the one where I get lightheaded and almost pass out from raising my arms too much, my primary ordered a heart ultrasound. They haven’t called me with their rundown of the results yet, but the test looks like they found it to be normal. Everything says “normal,” anyway. I usually notice this symptom in the shower, like when I’m raising my arms to wash my hair. He had discussed some kind of sensor that would go on me in real time while I take a shower and see what happens when I start to feel lightheaded. Honestly, I’m so sick of appointments and pursuing problems that don’t seem to be there that I don’t know if I even want to at this point. It’d be nice to have an explanation for some of the weird things that have happened over the years, and these ongoing problems that make daily (or what should be daily) hygiene so difficult. All of my blood tests were normal except for my creatinine, GFR, and associated BUN ratios, which since I have CKD is to be expected anyway, that’s a problem we’ve already found and are monitoring. I don’t know what more we can realistically do.
I don’t think it’s just wishful thinking that something more is wrong, but I don’t know what else to really do at this point. Maybe we just have to give it more time to fester? Maybe it’s too early to diagnose whatever it is? Or maybe I’m just dramatic and nothing is wrong at all, and I’m a hypochondriac who needs to shut her mouth. Maybe the sleep specialist will come up with something that no one else can and it will solve all the other prominent problems. For now, my main complaint is just how difficult it is to sleep even though I’m very, very tired every day.
I also think I’ve been mildly depressed still, which also makes me want to stay in bed in the mornings. My psychiatrist didn’t want to add anything to my med cocktail yet, since I have this sleep stuff going on and he thinks that if I got quality sleep and was well-rested, it might solve the mild depression. I’m still struggling to enjoy things and with motivation in general.
I have, however, been streaming somewhat regularly. Please check out my Twitch and YouTube channels! Links can also be found at the top or bottom of this page or on my Gaming page. Some days I’ve been starting later than my regular schedule, and some days I call it short, but with more of an audience I’ll be more incentivized to stick to my schedule – Mondays through Thursdays, 10am-2pm Mountain time. But if you’re not reading this during that window, you can also see all of my past vods on my YouTube channel! Follow my Twitch channel to get notifications when I go live, and subscribe to my YouTube channel to see when I put up extra vods. I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to support me in this. Thanks!
Rory's Write Place 